


Like Birds

by KaelsMiscellany



Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Escape, Identity Issues, Multi, On the Run, Season 4 AU, Threegulls x Happiness is my OTP, You might need tissues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2016-08-24
Packaged: 2018-08-10 20:16:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7859689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaelsMiscellany/pseuds/KaelsMiscellany
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexie is good at running away, and as the days turn into weeks, Audrey begins to wonder if maybe she doesn’t have the right idea of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like Birds

**Author's Note:**

> So this is inspired by [a post](http://whenwolfsbaneblooms.tumblr.com/post/148801475597/somebody-left-the-gate-open)/plot bunny I've had in my brain for the longest time, and after making the former the idea wouldn't leave me alone and all but held the next HS story at gunpoint until I finished it.
> 
> Thanks to Kat8noghost on Tumblr, who flailed/became an emotional mess about all the things. And Serendipityxxi for being an awesome writing buddy (without her this definitely would have taken longer to write than it did).
> 
> As a minor TW there is a brief mention of an an off screen assault in a scene. And for the timeline this is a slight AU of "New Girl" and takes place before/after "Countdown".

Audrey-in-Lexie isn’t surprised that it’s Duke that finds them out first. And not because she knows his Trouble while Lexie doesn’t, but because he wears masks just like she does now. Duke-the-scoundrel, and Duke-the-Gull-owner, and Duke-the-hero, and on and on, so many masks she wonders if even _Duke_ knows the real him anymore.

Yet even Duke think’s it’s just an act, doesn’t realize that while the seven-ish months Audrey spent in the Barn wasn’t enough to erase her completely, it was enough to firmly plant Lexie in her. Two women in the same body. Her own special brand of Trouble-magic MPD. She should probably find it strange that this fact makes her feel less lonely, yet she’s not the only one stuck in her boat anymore. But still, it would probably make most people’s heads explode.

It’s an easy thing for them to switch and lean, their own personal dance the Lead ever changing. Lexie is not selfless enough to deal with the Troubles and leans on Audrey to solve them, Audrey takes Lexie’s iron walls and makes them her own, enough to protect the both of them.

And they need protecting.

For Haven doesn’t see her as a savior much these days. The Troubles didn’t go away like they were supposed to and people blame her. Lexie wants to scream at them all to shut the fuck up and deal with it like the fucking adults they’re supposed to be. Audrey, for once finds herself agreeing.

But if it’s bad for her it’s even worse for Nathan. Audrey dies a little insides each time she overhears—and of course she overhears, they think they’re being so quiet about it but she can still fucking hear them—someone reminding Nathan that he has to make Lexie love him so that he can die to save the town. And Nathan just takes it, hunching in on himself and nodding. He puts up a brave front, but Audrey can see through the cracks, while the rest of Haven believes the lie. They probably have convinced themselves that since he wants it then it’s no sweat off their backs and no blood on their hands.

It makes Audrey want to burst out and _hurt_ someone. Tell them they don’t know anything about love if they think it so easy to fall into. Especially when the reward is death and guilt.

And anyways Duke is more to Lexie’s taste, she finds Nathan too sweet by half, Audrey lets her, all the better to buy them time. And if Lexie browses through Audrey’s memories of failed dates with Duke and pointedly tells her _‘oh honey, you don’t need to get laid, you need to be_ fucked senseless’, well that’s just Lexie. Audrey’s not sure if it helps that even she still likes Duke. Remembers before they found out about the Hunter, before Arla, how she let herself imagine the _three_ of them. It’s her guiltiest pleasure and it just seems to make Lexie think they need sex even more.

But Audrey can’t, nor can Lexie, not with Troubles getting worse, and Haven being against them like it is.

She finds herself glad that Jennifer left Haven after Jake, that she got herself free before she got caught in the crossfire, just another victim.

 _‘Oh sugarplum, why do you let them use you like this?’_ Six months in the Barn hadn’t been enough to smooth Lexie down, to take who the real woman had been and mould her into the person who could help the Troubled. It means she’s too selfish by half, only caring for them, and because Audrey cares about them: Duke and Nathan.

It means that Audrey has to take the Lead more and more the more Troubles they come across, and she and Lexie both don’t like it. Because the more Audrey steps forward the more likely it is that someone will recognize her, will realize that they don’t have to wait for Lexie to fall in love with Nathan, Audrey still does and they can just force her to. Audrey refuses to, and Lexie, well she’d rather just not have to kill anyone period.

 _‘They don’t deserve us,’_ Lexie murmurs as they feel the eyes of another one of the Guard on them, always watching, making sure Nathan is trying his damndest to make Lexie love him. _‘If it were me I’d just bail, let this fuckers deal with their own shit for once.’_

The first time she hears Lexie say such a thing Audrey rejects it outright. How can she leave Haven? The one place where she’s felt like she’s belonged?

 _‘Oh honeybunch, it’s as easy as walking out the door and never looking back.’_ Audrey knows it wouldn’t be the first time Lexie’s done such a thing. She’d walked out of her home, out of boyfriend’s apartments, and girlfriend’s lofts. Moving on when things got tight, or tough, or when she realized the wind wasn’t blowing her way anymore.

Lexie is good at running away, and as the days turn into weeks, Audrey begins to wonder if maybe she doesn’t have the right idea of it.

So one night she dresses inconspicuously, dark plaid, worn denim, hair tucked under a stocking cap, battered workman’s jacket pulled up around her ears. With her slight form she could be just another young dock hand and it means she blends in easily as she makes her way to the _Rouge_.

Luckily Wade’s still at the Gull, reveling in his mid-life crisis in a cloyingly stereotypical way. But it means she and Duke will be alone at least.

He’s got a gun in his hand when he opens the hatch, paranoid to the last, especially with the Guard still pressuring him to get Wade out of town. “Audrey,” he murmurs to her. She doesn’t correct him because he’s right, Lexie is only a watcher at the moment, helping to make sure Audrey doesn’t second guess herself. And when he pulls the hatch open wider, his arms open as if for a hug Audrey lets herself take it. Not minding at all that Lexie comes forward just a little more to relish the hug herself.

It takes Duke aback, but he also rolls with it, the hand with the gun wrapping around her back while his other closes the door. “Rough night?” He asks her quietly, walking them both back towards the stateroom.

“You could say that,” she answers with a bitter laugh. They’ve all been rough nights since Lexie took those fateful steps out of the Barn.

He lets go of her to have her sit at the table, going to his cabinet and pulling out a bottle, of what Audrey doesn’t really care. He offers it with a little shake and she nods. She’s not one for a whole lot of drinking, but Lexie loves it, the burn and the fuzz of it all.

“Will Wade be back soon?” The last thing she needs is someone walking in on them who doesn’t understand that these words aren’t meant to be shared.

Duke sighs and gives an angry shrug. “Who the hell knows, if I could I’d’ve drugged him and shipped him off to Timbuktu.” Audrey let’s out Lexie’s huff of amusement, picking up the glass he poured her and taking a sip.

She’ll have to make this quick then. “I want to leave.”

Duke looks at her, blinks, downs his own drink in one gulp, and pours himself some more. “I’m sorry what? I think I misheard you.”

Rolling her eyes Audrey let’s out her own huff. “You, you didn’t mishear me Duke, I, I really do want to leave. I...can’t stand what Haven’s becoming, what it wants _me_ to become.” Inside her Lexie heaves a sigh of relief.

He doesn’t say anything, but she can tell he’s thinking, his brain trying to fit this new part of her into the puzzle that is her whole. “You’ll break Nathan’s heart,” he tells her plainly, his voice flat; as if her leaving won’t break his heart too. _‘I don’t even know how you go these two under your thumb peaches, but_ damn. _’_ Audrey ignores it, she doesn’t have time for Lexie’s grandstanding.

Reaching out she rests her hand on top of Duke’s. “Actually,” she say it slowly, trying to get her words to fit the desires of the two women she is. “I was...hoping that, Nathan, Nathan and you would...come with me.” It doesn’t take Lexie to point out the way Haven has begun to walk over not just her recently. And if she can get them out of this too, well she doesn’t care what happens next.

Duke looks at her like she’s grown a second head, and considering this is Haven she might just have, but he soon sets his glass down and stands, “Audrey.” He doesn’t say anything else as he begins to pace.

She stands as well, getting in his way as he moves from the bedroom towards the hall. “ _Duke_ ,” her tone is more pointed. “I, _we_ , care about you more than I think we’d like to admit. I’m not just going to leave the both of you here if I can help it.” Although how she’s going to convince Nathan she has no idea.

Because she and Duke, they know how to leave, know the world has more to offer. He left for a decade and became a crook, she leaves this _reality_ for twenty seven years before returning. So leaving isn’t all that hard once you get started. But Nathan? Nathan’s never been more than an hour from Haven, even when he’d run after the Barn. It’s in his bones and blood, claws so deep that stealing him away without his consent might hurt him more than it should.

“Yeah, I know, Nathan actually sort of sees me as a friend again,” Duke sighs. It makes Audrey shake her head, because she hadn’t even been talking about Nathan, but it’s not Duke’s fault, she hasn’t explained herself. But she thinks she’ll have to if she wants this to work.

“I think a bit more than that,” she’s seen the longing looks, the touches that Nathan can’t feel but Duke can; Nathan is almost the epitome of ‘still waters run deep’, he just needs a little encouragement.

 _‘Now_ that _I can get behind honey.’_  She resists the urge to roll her eyes. “Will you come? Or at least will you help me convince Nathan to leave? Get us out of here?” He’s the smuggler, if anyone can get herself and hopefully Nathan out of Haven with none the wiser they’re gone.

He comes to a stop right in front of her. “Audrey,” his rough hands move to cup her cheeks. “What brought this on?”

“I’m,” she closes her eyes, relishing his touch. “I’m sick and tired of losing Duke, I want to be happy for once. I want to live and not worry about being locked away, or another Trouble taking you or Nathan from me. I just want to have my corner of peace and quiet and _keep_ it.” She might have had her pockets of happiness, but Haven’s dealt her bad hand after bad hand and, much like Lexie, she wants to _go_.

One of Duke’s thumbs rubs her cheekbone and she opens her eyes to see his own staring down at her intently, as if he can read her as easily as any book.

The silence spins out between them, each second building the tension in her until she thinks she might snap from it. _‘And how?’_ Lexie leers, and right now Audrey can see her point.

“Alright,” Duke finally replies, his voice quiet, yet it rings through her bringing relief in its wake. “I’ll go with you, but, I’m not going to make any promises.” While she’s glad, his admission also makes her heart break.

 _‘Sugar, I’ve worked with worse,’_ Lexie comforts. _‘We’ll bring him around, we’ve got nothing but time now.’_

“Thank you Duke,” she doesn’t bother to hold back her tears, her voice choking on them.

He pulls her into another hug, this one tighter than the first. “It’s gonna take time to get Nathan on board,” he reminds. “Stubborn as a goddamn mountain.”

Her laugh is weak, but she’s grateful for it.

-

For Lexie flirting is a way to protect herself, she knows the difference between what’s actually meaningful and what’s harmless fun and wields the latter with the precision of a knife. What good southern girl doesn’t?

“That’s sweet of you Stan,” it’s not quite a coo, but there’s real warmth to it. He’s got a wife and kids, and she’s most definitely not here to steal anyone’s man, but it does prove a sort of point; Nathan’s not doing too hot on his romancing and it leaves the Guard scrambling, which is exactly what they need right now.

 _‘You keep this up he’ll turn into a tomato,’_ Lexie doesn’t find that as funny as Audrey clearly does. For all she knows of the Troubles it might actually fucking happen; which is seriously messed up.

Stan finally sets the coffee he’d brought her down. “It’s no problem Lexie,” she waits until he’s turned around to leave to close her eyes and savor that sentence. Her name, not Audrey’s, _hers_ . Proof enough to her that she’s as real as the Audrey, that she _exists_ , that she means something.

In their head Audrey gives a little sigh, _‘Lexie…’_ She’s not usually one to take unasked for comfort, but she can’t exactly hide anything from the other woman with whom she shares a mind and body. And in a way it’s...nice. For once she has someone who will always be on her side and have her back, even if they disagree sometimes. They’re stuck with each other for the rest of their lives and they might as well get used to it.

It helps that they fill in each other’s gaps, apart they’re both strong women able to withstand a lot, but together? Together Lexie’s certain they can take on the fucking world and _win_.

And if that’s possible than what’s trying to do a little romancing?

It certainly doesn’t hurt that both the men in question are definitely 10s on the hotness scale.

“You’re here early,” there’s a question in Nathan’s statement and it makes her roll her eyes.

“I’ve been known to wake up before noon,” she teases. “Given the right incentive.” She raise her coffee mug as if in example, it’s not spiked like she’d prefered, but Irish cream flavoring is an okay second.

He glowers at that mug like it killed his mother, which is adorable. He’s so jealous and he doesn’t even like her, or at least that’s what he claims.

She knows why he thinks he doesn't. He’s a good ol’ boy, sweeter than sweet tea, and he’ll be nice if it kills him—and in a way it is. While she’s the girl from the other side of the tracks, who was raised to take no shit and act like a lady oughta while she does it. It’s like opposite day in one of those romance novels Audrey has scattered about the apartment—Lexie doesn’t mind them, but she prefers erotica.

Yet even though Audrey hides behind Lexie like a child scared of monsters he must sense her in Lexie somehow, drawn to her against whatever he calls common sense. And yeah, it smarts a little that he’d prefer she was Audrey and not Lexie, but it’s tough shit for him, because he can’t have one without the other, and he’s just going to have to get used to it.

At least more pointed searching through Audrey’s memories shows that he might not be as much of the vanilla prude as she’d pegged him as. Even if he does like pancakes.

“Lexie,” if she’s honest with the both of them she likes the aggravated way Nathan says her name, like he can’t believe she does the things she does, but wishes he could. Audrey said he was still waters running deep, but she wants to know what he’ll do when those waters finally turn to rapids.

Audrey rolls her eyes. _‘You’re as bad as Duke is sometimes.’_ Lexie’ll take that as a compliment. “Yeah sugar?” He blushes and Lexie hides her smile behind her mug.

“I didn’t realize you’d finished your paperwork, or are you just lurking here?”

She laughs and leans back in her chair, kicking her legs up on the desk, heavy boots clunking against the wood and maybe she flashes him a bit of her panties but considering his eyes are actually looking into hers he probably doesn’t notice; which is a damn shame really. “Can’t it be both? Seems you all need my help even if I don’t got a badge and gun.” William might have shown her she could use a gun, or at least reassemble one, but fuck all if she actually wants one of her own.

He heaves another sigh. He must get headaches, but she wonders if he can feel them, or if they’re covered in his ‘no feeling’—which, alright, might help explain why he is the way he is, she’d probably be as uptight as him if she couldn’t feel people too—Trouble. _‘You could ask, or touch him,’_ Audrey reminds. “I don’t think that means you can just hang around here.”

“What else is there to do? I mean it’s not like I’m taking statements and telling people I’m a cop. Just hanging out here, at Audrey’s desk, enjoying a nice cup of joe.” She could do all that though, even without the badge; even if it would probably be a dead giveaway that Lexie isn’t all that she seems if she started doing perfect police work. And right now Lexie being Lexie is all she and Audrey have.

This time Nathan bites back his sigh, and she decides to throw him a bone. “But I’m not,” she fishes out the badge she’d gotten from Dwight this morning and tosses it at his head. “Detective DeWitt, at your service,” she tells him with a leer and a waggle of her eyebrows.

He blushes again, and manages to catch the badge before it hits the desk. His fingers rub absently over the shield, even though it’s a pointless gesture; but it does tug at Lexie’s heart for a moment, she’s grateful that Audrey doesn’t make a big deal out of it. _‘It’s easy to love Nathan,’_ is all she says. And Lexie can see what she means.

Knocking back the last of her coffee, and wishing she _could_ get some booze into her, but now she actually has to at least _act_ like a responsible adult, she gets up and goes over to him. She’s half in Audrey clothes, and half in ones she got for herself—a compromise of many—and she can feel Nathan staring at her as she cocks her hip against the edge of his desk.

She holds her hand out for the badge and he sets it in her hand, but when he starts to pull away she strikes, her free fingers curling around his wrist, flooding him with sensation. “You can feel that can’t you?” She accuses, she already knows, but she wants to get it out in the ‘open’ as it were again; sometimes it’s such a headache not letting anything on.

“Yeah,” but he doesn’t sound happy about it. “I can feel you.” He tries to tug his hand away, but she’s not done with him just yet, and yeah she finds it a little bit intriguing when she tightens her grip and he shudders a little.

She sidles closer. “Do you want to do more?” _‘Easy there, too fast and you’ll scare him away.’_ Audrey knows best, but Lexie’s never been anything but upfront.

“Pretty sure that’s harassment,” his eyes grow cold and he yanks his hand away, breaking her grip. She lets him. “And no, already told you.”

“Now Wuornos,” she actually pronounces it right this time. “That’s not what I meant at all. But it’s kinda cute that you think that.” He’s supposed to be trying to win her over after all, yet on the surface he’s not exactly doing his best. Beneath that surface she’s starting to find his own bluntness charming. She’s blaming that on Audrey, who laughs.

Nathan glowers again and Lexie decides to back off for the time being; she can push a little more later. “Chief gave us a case, since you’re actually on the clock now.”

“Well then partner,” she says in a Texas accent so bad her daddy’d be rolling in his grave if he were dead. “Let’s get out there and see what creepy new shit the town’s gonna throw at us.”

She finds herself completely stunned when he gives a huff of laughter in response, who knew Nathan had a sense of humor? Audrey rolls her eyes, _‘of course he’s got a sense of humor Lexie.’_ Lexie’s not even going to touch that.

-

When Duke had come back to Haven he’d been worried that someone might have sold the Gull, taken one of the good things in his life and just...not cared about it. Then he’d found out Wade had been running it in his absence and well, he finds himself less inclined now to consider the Gull _his_ ; possibly a good thing considering he’s going along with Audrey’s plan to leave.

But did Wade have to play crappy Euro-pop the whole damn time?

The music grates on his ears as he makes his way up the stairs to Audrey’s apartment, they need to talk, to try and actually hammer out the beginnings of a plan, otherwise they might never actually get out of Haven.

As he reaches her ‘porch’ he begins to hear her own music, much more bluesy classic rock and it’s finally something he can live with. She’s got her doors wide open, a fact that seems careless to him, it means anyone could just come in and possibly take her out. Yet he also can’t deny that it’s a really nice day out and sometimes you just have to take what you can get.

When he reaches the door he finds himself drawing up short, Audrey’s cleared away the furniture in her ‘front room’ and there’s now a heavy bag hanging from the ceiling. Her hair’s been pulled back into a ponytail and she’s wearing only a sports bra and what might be yoga pants. Her hands look like they’ve been wrapped expertly and she’s currently beating the shit out of the bag.

And yeah, he stares a little, because this isn’t an Audrey he’s ever known; either she’s been excellent at hiding what look like fairly good boxing skills or this is just another bit of Lexie she’s using to hide herself. Duke wants to go over and hold her, let her be Audrey for just a little while, lying to everyone but him has to be hard on her and he wants to give her all the breaks he can.

He clears his throat, hoping she can hear him over the music. She turns around and the smile she gives him is all Audrey. “Duke, it’s good to see you.” She goes over and picks up a towel from the arm of the couch.

“Well I thought I’d stop by and we could talk,” he says easily as he comes in. And he has to ask, even if it makes her mad. “Isn’t this, taking things a bit too far? I would have thought you’d give yourself some...breathing room in your own home.” He doesn’t mind her Lexie facade, but having it up 24/7 must be exhausting.

An expression he can’t quite interpret crosses Audrey’s face. “Can you close the doors please?” Without waiting for him to respond she goes over and turns up her music a little more, something so paranoid it’s making _him_ a little anxious. But he goes to close the doors, making sure they’re locked so no one can just come barging in.

She gestures at the table and he takes a seat, she takes the one across from him and slumps slightly into it. “I...haven’t been completely honest with you.”

“What do you mean?” Inside his heart’s dropping into his stomach, her words from a few nights ago were too good to be true he knew. Her ‘admission’ of her and Nathan caring for him more than they let on such an obvious lie he’s surprised he let himself believe it. That’s what he gets for letting himself be a lovesick fool; for believing that maybe he’d get some good to even out the bad.

“I mean,” her hand comes out to rest on his own as she straightens and leans forward; the tape on her hand is an interesting contrast to her actual skin. She gives a gusty exhale, blowing away a few strands of hair that have escaped. “Remember when I told you I had all of Lexie’s memories?”

The question catches him off guard, not at all what he expected. “Yeah,” he curses the roughness in his voice, but he can’t help it. Still he has to wonder what she’s getting at.

“That...wasn’t quite the whole truth. It’s a lot more complicated than that.” Duke doesn’t say anything, resisting the urge to scoff that of course it’s more complicated than that, when has anything in Haven ever been simple?

“When Nathan broke the Barn it meant, it meant that when the whole process of changing me started Audrey, wasn’t erased like she should have been, I was just put into a coma of sorts. While Lexie was planted in like she was supposed to be.” It’s disturbing to hear her talk that way about losing her identity, but he again keeps silent, wanting to hear it all before saying anything. “And then when she took that leap from the Barn back into the real world…

“I woke up. But Lexie, she didn’t exactly disappear. She’s still here,” Audrey taps herself with her free hand. “Inside my body. With her own thoughts and feelings and ideas. She’s not just a cover I’m using to protect Nathan, she’s as real as I am.”

The idea should be absurd, he should be laughing it off and calling it all a big prank.

Except this is Audrey, who’s suffered more than she has any right to, and who’s done her best to be honest with him, even when it might hurt their relationship. “So, what. You’re two people in one body?” In a way it makes sense, Duke’s hung out with grifters before, people who’ve made their living on being other people; and he remembers hearing them say over and over that the best lies, the best covers, were the ones that were completely true.

Audrey is such a perfect Lexie not because she has all the woman’s memories, but because it _is_ Lexie.

“Pretty much,” her grip on his hand tightens. “It’s not as confusing as you might think,” she taps the side of her head. “It’s kind of nice really, we can bounce thoughts off each other and we think about things differently enough that we can come up with entirely different ideas. So all of this,” she gestures at herself and the apartment at large. “Isn’t just me pretending to be her, it’s me letting her be her own person.”

Duke sort of wishes for a drink. Instead he turns his hand over and weaves his fingers through hers, he’s her friend, friends do that. “So what? Lexie boxes?” The idea isn’t mind boggling, but it’s not exactly what he expects from someone like her.

“You bet your ass I do Crocker,” Lexie, definitely Lexie, tells him with a roll of her eyes. And the fact that she could ‘change’ that quickly is proof enough that it’s nothing ‘normal’ by any stretch of the word. “Daddy was, and still is, the bare knuckles champ of my little backwater corner of the world. And he damn well made sure I knew how to protect myself.”

“You’re what, teaching Audrey?” This could get real confusing real fast. “And what the hell should I be calling you? Audrey? Lexie? Ledrey? Alex?”

Lexie sniggers. “Lexie or Audrey is fine.” She falls quite for a moment, brow furrowing slightly. A few seconds pass and she huffs. “Fine. Audrey thinks I should actually tell you that I...well I like hearing my own name because it means I’m...real.” She says it gruffly, trying to brush it off and while a lot of people might claim Lexie’s a lot like him, that little thing is so very Nathan.

Duke feels something like a fond smile cross his face and he squeezes her hand tightly for a moment. “Alright Lexie, and sorry, for calling you Audrey?” He’s either going to get a headache or he needs a drink.

“I forgive you, I mean you didn’t exactly know,” she shrugs. “And sometimes it’s hard to tell. Cause Audrey’s acting like me so she can solve Troubles, or we’re sharing at the same time like when you came in. And yeah I’m kind of teaching her, I mean it’s my body too and _I_ know boxing, so we’re pretty sure if push came to shove she could use it without really thinking about it, but she wants to _learn_.”

“You know when I came here this isn’t the conversation I expected us to have.” He admits.

She laughs, and he finds he doesn’t care if it’s Audrey laughing, or Lexie, or the both of them. Because it’s a laugh he loves either way. He’s always loved Audrey, and Lexie, well, she’s not exactly hard to get along with. Her sense of humor definitely is in line with his, and he likes her flirtatious air and take no shit attitude.

“Let me guess,” she finally says when she calms down, “Mount Wuornos?” The cheeky smile is Audrey but the waggling eyebrows seem more Lexie and wow, he’s just not going to try and parse it out anymore, she’s her and it doesn’t matter if one action is more one woman or the other.

“Please can you call him that to his face once? I want to see how he reacts.”

She laughs and gives a lazy salute. “I’ll do my best captain.”

He finds himself sniggering in response and when she tugs her hand free he lets her. And is rewarded when she gets up and pulls out two bottles of beer from the fridge. “Come on,” she jerks her head at the couch. “We can be at least a little more comfortable.”

As he passes her he takes one of the beers, screwing off the top. He takes a pull and does his best not to spill as he takes a seat, he’s only vaguely surprised that Lexie—he’s just gonna stick with that for now—sidles right up next to him, leaving no space between them. He doesn’t fling his free arm around her, but he does lean a little closer, pressing his arm into her shoulder, enjoying the contact.

“Nathan,” he finally says, wanting to get them on track.

She sighs. “We’re gonna have to do it slow, he’s still committed to being a damn martyr and trying to convince him otherwise is going to take more time than I think we have.” A sigh, and a fond roll of her eyes. “Lexie thinks we should just drug and kidnap him.”

“I think,” Duke says slowly, after having done a very deliberate swallow—he’s not going to waste good beer by spitting it out in disbelief. “We’ll table that idea for now, but keep it in our back pocket. Plan Z.” Because if they did go with that idea then things had gotten truly desperate; and Nathan would probably hate them when he came to.

“Well I hope plan M doesn’t involve one of us dying,” it’s said with enough tart that Duke can’t tell if she’s joking, or being bitterly serious.

“What?” Because he needs to know which she’s talking about.

It earns him an eyeroll. “Does anyone here watch TV? I mean seriously.” Definitely a Lexie complaint. “Shush,” probably Audrey, he snorts.

“I get what you mean about running out of time,” because sooner rather than later someone else is going to find out Audrey’s in there, and then, well, Nathan’s still willing to throw himself on the sword right now. “And that we need to take things slow, but we can’t exactly do both. Time feels like the more important factor.” Setting down his beer he finds himself absently picking at the knot holding the tape taut.

She sighs and leans her head against his shoulder. “I know. But you know Nathan.” And isn’t it something that she doesn't even need to say anything more than that.

He gets the knot undone and without thought begins to unwind the tape, wrapping it around his own fingers as he goes. “I do. I still think maybe we should push our luck a little, especially me.” Nathan sees him only as a friend still, but maybe with a little nudging he could be swayed; then again he might also balk, not wanting to ‘hurt’ Duke by starting a relationship only to ‘die’ later. A line of bullshit Duke would not accept.

Audrey falls silent, taking another swig of her own beer. He can almost feel her eyes intently watching him as he works. When he finishes with the one hand he tosses the loop of tape away, making her swap her beer to her other hand so he can do the still wrapped one.

He’s halfway done with that when she finally speaks. “I, _we_ , want to have sex with you, now.”

Duke freezes, only to force his head to move, to look her in the eye. Her own blue-gray ones are serious, and he finds himself aching under the weight of them; of the love can almost feel radiating from her.

“No,” he finally answers, tearing his eyes away and focusing on finishing his unwrapping. When it’s done he rubs his thumbs against the back of her hand, massaging away the thin red lines there.

“Why not?” It’s both angry questioning and genuine wondering, and he can’t look at her, not without possibly breaking.

He lifts up her hand and turning it over presses her palm against his lips for a moment before moving it to rest on his cheek. “Because Audrey, what if the Guard think that Lexie’s falling in love with _me_? What do you think they’re going to do?”  He’ll spell it out if he has to, but Audrey’s smart.

Her hand on his cheek turns his head and he sees her face again. “Oh, Duke.” Seconds later he can feel her forehead against his neck. “I’m sorry, I just…”

Arms wrapping around her he shifts them both so they’re lying on the couch, her on top of him. “I know,” he rubs a hand up and down her back. “I know.” But right now even taking _that_ small a slice of happiness might spell their doom. Much as he’d like to do it

They stay like that for a while, just being there for each other and listening to Lexie’s music—of which he’ll say her tastes are certainly wide and varied.

Some time later Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds starts playing and for some reason it makes him smile. So unlike Audrey and yet so very Lexie.

On top of him Lexie starts humming along, her fingers tracing idle designs on his bicep.

Without much thought he clamps a hand over her mouth, which doesn’t quite silence her. “How about we not hum or sing the creepy-sexual murder ballad, rather not give Haven any ideas.”

Her gusty sigh hits his hand and a few seconds later her tongue licks his palm. He pulls his hand away and mimes pointly wiping his hand on her couch. “Fine,” she huffs. After a heartbeat she gets a wicked look in her eye. “Maybe Wade’s got the right idea with his Euro-pop.”

“Don’t say that,” Duke groans, burying his head in her hair. “I don’t need us riding into town blaring ABBA to try and avert disaster.”

She laughs. “If you change your mind, I’m the-” He slaps his hand over her mouth again, cutting her off.

“No.”

-

Nathan hates cases like these, ones where it’s the victim who pays the higher price than the perp. But that’s what happens when the perp, claiming to be the victim, is the son of rich tourists and the real victim is just a local poor girl. For once Nathan thinks it lucky her Trouble kicked in before he did anything worse to her.

He still hates it.

At the end of the hall he can hear Dwight talking to one of the nurses, about what Nathan doesn’t really care. More of his attention is on the elevator as the number rises up. It could be someone going to the third floor he knows, and not stopping on this one. But he finds himself doubting it.

It’s probably not possible to have two Troubles, but the elevator still pings and the doors begin to open.

Lexie storms out before they’re even halfway. “I’m usually not one for beating up minors, but I think I’m going to make an exception.” She’s spitting mad and if it wouldn’t get them into more trouble he’d let her.

But he steps in her way, blocking her attempts to move forward. “No.”

“You are _not_ going to stop me Wuornos,” it comes out a snarling shout, and he doesn’t think he’s ever seen Lexie this mad before. “This asshole needs to be taught a lesson and I’m gonna do it.” The angrier she gets the more like she sounds like she’s from the South like she claims, a fact he finds curious. Yet he’s not going to let anything sway him, this kid might be an asshole, and a whole lot worse, but he can’t make exceptions.

“Problem?” Dwight’s voice come from behind him. And on instinct Nathan wraps his arms around Lexie, trying not to shudder as the world comes into technicolor focus.

“Yeah there’s a problem,” she surges in his grip, but he holds on. “The problem is that little rat bastard and-” With a little wiggling he gets a hand free and slaps it over her mouth.

“I’ll handle it,” he grits out. They don’t need to draw any more attention to themselves than they already have. He can feel Dwight’s gaze boring into his neck, and he doesn’t even wait for the other man to respond before dragging Lexie off towards an empty room.

He pushes her in and kicks the door shut with his foot, making sure he stands between her and it. “This is not okay,” it’s like Audrey with Patrick, except that had been Haven in-fighting and a helluva lot easier to deal with than this.

“Fuck yeah it’s not okay,” she tries to bull past, but the door holds him. “You’re not going to stop me.” It comes out another snarl.

“Yes,” he crosses his arms. “I am. You’re a _detective_ now, you can’t just beat up people.” He tries to keep his own voice calm, try to be reasonable; but this is _Lexie_ , who pushes at his buttons almost worse than Duke does.

Audrey’s _replacement_ , who should be trying to comfort the Troubled girl, not beating up the boy who assaulted her.

It’s just a snarl that escapes her this time, like she’s run out of words to express herself and it makes his own simmering anger somehow worse. Why can’t she be Audrey, why can’t she just kill him already and finally put an end to this? Put everyone out of their misery.

He’s unceremoniously jerked into the present when she surges against him again, except it’s not to try and get past him.

No, this time she does it to kiss him.

At first all he can do is flail a little, because he has no idea what’s going on and why is she kissing him? But it’s not long before his body acts on instinct, pulling her closer himself and deepening the kiss.

God, he’d missed this, even if he’d only had tastes of it before.

She moans softly and presses against him. He can feel her breasts against his chest and one of his arms slides up her back, his fingers hitting the warm skin of her back sooner than expected.

It’s enough to jolt him from the kiss, twisting his head away to stare at a blank wall; the door that had helped him keep Lexie in now preventing him from leaving. “What,” he can feel his lungs heaving as he breathes sharply, trying to regain control of his racing heart. “Why did you do that?” Confusion wars with arousal, and he’s not sure which he wants to win.

“Oh Nathan,” something in his neck twinges when he whips back around to stare at her. These are Lexie’s clothes, her nose ring, and streaked hair. But the eyes, all he can see is Audrey through and through.

He gapes at her for a brief second, but he can’t help himself, pulling her back to him and letting himself have another kiss. A dying man’s request.

Audrey gives it to him, and he’s pretty sure he’s crying as they kiss. Not that he cares, she’s here, she’s _back_ , and that’s all that matters. He makes a sound of protest when she pulls away, these could be his last hours and she’s going to deny him? “Nathan, no.” She shakes her head in emphasis.

All he can do is stare at her, stare at her until something unexpected and unwanted claws its way into his stomach. _Fear_.

If the Guard, if _he_ , has their way she’ll kill him. How it doesn’t matter, but he’ll be dead, and the Troubles will be over.

But the lesser parts of him rejects that. Demanding that he remain alive at all costs. His ungrateful id not understanding what needs to be done. Yet it’s that part of him that seems to be in control at the moment, because he finds himself pushing her away.

Not being able to feel means he can’t fumble for the doorknob and feeling jittery he whirls around. He gets the door open in no time at all and he _runs_ from her. Barreling down the hallway and speeds that are probably just as much a danger to himself as to others.

“What the hell Wuornos.” Lexie’s, or is it only Audrey pretending to be Lexie, anger is back, and clearly directed at him if her shouting is anything to go by. But she doesn’t chase after him.

Heedlessly he runs down the stairs and right out of the hospital. He leaps into the Bronco and seconds later he’s peeling out of the parking lot. Finding himself strangely grateful that the traffic cops won’t bother to stop him. Although he probably leaves more than few angry drivers in his wake as he rushes towards, his mind reels slightly, the docks.

The Bronco comes to a skidding stop and there are still chunks of gravel flying when he almost falls out of the driver’s side. He’s not quite sure why whatever strange part of himself that’s in control took him here, but there’s only one real possibility. _Duke_. Which is good for the rest of him at least. Because it’s Duke who suggested they wait so Nathan could try and woo Lexie; and now that plan’s born it's strange fruits and Duke needs to see it through.

The deck of the _Rouge_ is empty, but that doesn’t stop him from yanking open the hatch and going in uninvited and unannounced.

So it really shouldn’t be much of a surprise that Duke meets him halfway, shotgun in hand. “Nathan,” the gun lowers. “What the fuck?” He doesn’t fight as Duke grabs his arm and leads them towards the stateroom proper. He sits when he sees Duke shove him towards a chair. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Audrey,” is all he manages to get out in response, the drive to live still clinging so tightly that he wonders if he’ll start tearing himself apart.

Duke stares at him for a moment, “shit.” He turns and Nathan watches him rummage around before returning with a glass and a bottle of scotch. Duke pours a generous serving and thrusts it into Nathan’s limp hands. “Drink.”

Nathan does. He can’t feel the burn of the alcohol, but the cacophony of tastes helps him focus somewhat. Bring him back to himself. “Audrey’s alive,” he rasps out. The truth of it shaking him.

When he doesn’t hear a response right away he looks up to see Duke taking a swig straight from the bottle. “So?”

So? _So??_ Once again anger rouses itself in Nathan. “ _So?!_ So she has to kill me! I have to make this right for screwing everyone over. You,” for a second he scrambles, trying to find just the right words that will convince Duke. “You have to help her Duke, I need to fix this, but I know she won’t listen to me.”

“You can’t even fucking say it can you,” Duke snarls at him, the unexpected anger taking him aback. Duke stalks towards him and without thought Nathan stands to face him. “You want her to kill you but you can’t even say it. Why? If you don’t say it you can fool yourself into thinking it’s something else? That you somehow deserve it?”

Duke’s close enough that Nathan has a hard time focusing on him, not that his attention’s really on that.

“Well fuck that shit Nathan.” He vision shakes slightly, a good sign that Duke has his hands on Nathan, probably his shoulders. “You want Audrey, to murder you, in cold blood. And you want me to... _convince_ her to do it?? No.” Again Nathan’s vision shakes. “I’m not going to be fucking complicit in your martyrdom, you here me? If you want Audrey to murder you, fucking convince her to do it yourself, because I’m not having anyone else die by my hands if I can help it.”

Duke doesn’t leave like Nathan expects, just keeps standing there, his shoulders heaving with his heavy breathing. Nathan himself can’t respond, shaken to the core by Duke’s words. He thought he’d known the many flavors of Duke Crocker’s anger, but this, this is a whole new side of it; one that leaves Nathan floundering, just as much as Lexie’s earlier actions did.

And then Duke throws him off into the deep end, by jerking him forward and kissing him.

A sliver of him is certain he was basically in this same position not ten minutes ago and it possibly says something about him that it only takes ten minutes to completely destroy his view of the world.

Even though it would probably be a better idea if he could _see_ , his eyes slide shut instinctively. Leaving him with only the taste of Duke’s mouth.

In a way it makes him feel like a teenager again, a teenager with a ridiculous crush who’d just wanted stupid, _idiotic_ Duke to _notice_ him for fuck’s sake. His heart’s probably trying to beat it’s way out of his chest, and Nathan doesn’t even know if he’s breathing at the moment, all there is at the moment is taste and sound. His whole world narrowed to those two points.

Until they both vanish.

Nathan’s eyes open shakily, and he’s somehow grateful that Duke’s still _there_ , that that kiss wasn’t just an hallucination, or a Trouble trick, or one of a million other things. For all he knows Duke regrets it, but he doesn’t think so; not with the way Duke’s too dark eyes are practically burning holes into him, making his brain feel even _more_ tangled. “Wha?” Which just goes to show how out he is, that he can’t even form a _word._

Duke makes a sound that’s somehow both a laugh and a sigh, then Duke’s face gets even closer again, it takes a moment for Nathan to realize that it’s because Duke’s resting his forehead against Nathan’s. “Really Nate? ‘What’ is all you can manage?” It’s both teasing and biting and it’s certainly not helping.

“But-”

“Screw ‘but’, Nathan!” Duke takes a step away. “Screw your martyr death wish, and screw this fucking town for thinking it’s your only option.” The return of Duke’s anger should be an anchor for Nathan, but it’s that same unknown face of it and he’s still lost. “Audrey isn’t going to kill you, _Lexie_ isn’t going to kill you, and I’m sure as hell not going to convince either one to do it.”

And Duke steps back towards him, before Nathan knows it he’s being pulled into a hug, the smell of Duke’s shampoo tickling the back of his nose. “Because Nathan, if she kills you, you’re not the only one who’s going to die. We will too.”

Nathan thinks he must recoil, but Duke’s grip is strong and holds him there. “If this is what it takes to snap you out of this Nathan I’ll do it. I’ll tell you what every second after your death is going to be like for me and Audrey,” Duke’s voice is right in his ear, inescapable, no matter how much Nathan wants to squirm away from it.

“We’ll look after each other, but no matter how much I love her and she loves me, there’ll always be a hole, something neither of us can fill for the other, and it will eat and eat away at us, until all we have left is anger and apathy.” Each word is like a nail being driven into him, a sharp pain he shouldn’t be able to feel, except that he does, a gaping, tearing ache that he can’t escape.

“Audrey will throw herself into the job, trying to lose herself in helping others. But it won’t be enough, the grateful thanks of strangers won’t mean a thing, it just means she’ll have to move onto the next task. She’ll probably stop taking care of herself, I’ll have to try and remind her she’s human and not a machine, that she needs to eat and sleep. Not sure if she’ll really listen.

“As for me? Well, with you dead and Audrey all but dead herself...there’s nothing and no one holding me back. I’ll probably start smuggling seriously again. Audrey loves me, but she can’t make herself _care_ , so I’ll probably throw myself into more reckless deals, fall in with an even worse crowd. _Anything_ to try and at least get a response out of her, even if it’s just a spark of anger, anything to let me know she really is still alive in there.

“I’ll probably stop caring about my own life, with you gone and Audrey all but a robot why should I? I’ll throw myself headfirst into fights, into arguments, into danger. I won’t kill Troubled people, because I know you’d never want that from me. But I wouldn’t be surprised if I’d steal a few drops of blood here and there, using it like a drug, because it at least lets me fucking _feel_ again.

“But one day I’ll run up against something or someone who won’t think twice about it and I’ll be dead. Audrey probably won’t ever find out either, I’ll just be another body in some pauper’s grave in a country not my own. And she’ll be alone, unable to work up even the energy to _hope_ that I’m alive. She’ll probably think I left her finally, fooling herself into believing that she doesn’t even deserve me. She’ll-”

Duke doesn’t get any further than that because a broken keening sound fills the room, the sort of sound Nathan associates with injured animals and funerals.

Soothing sounds fill his ear. And Nathan can feel himself shaking, the tears falling down his face and hitting Duke’s shirt, the hand Duke is running through his hair and up and down his back. As one the two of them start sinking to the floor, his knees aching slightly as they impact.

But it does reveal to him that Duke’s hands aren’t the only one’s touching him. Familiar slight fingers are pressed lightly against the nape of his neck and when he pulls his head away from Duke’s neck and turns he sees Audrey, Lexie...it doesn’t fucking matter, standing next to them.

He finds himself letting go of Duke, not all the way, but enough to turn slightly so he can cling to her as well, burying his face into the soft cotton of her tanktop, which muffles the keening sound; shocking him into realizing that it’s him making it. One of her hands replaces Duke’s in his hair and her soothing sounds join Duke’s.

When he finally subsides his chest feels scoured out and hollow; his breathing still shaky as he clings to her. The smell of her perfume fills his nose, a sharp richness that reminds him that part of her is a lie; but which he doesn’t know.

Her fingers stop smoothing through his hair, instead sliding down to his neck and rubbing the skin there. “Nathan,” she says it quietly, heartache clear in it. “You told me before I went into the Barn that you would die before you let me go, what makes you think I don’t feel the same way?” He thinks he might get a bruise from her fingers pressing into his neck, he can’t even work up the energy to really worry about it on the other hand. “Duke’s right, if I killed you it would destroy the both of us. We _love_ you Nathan, and even if it were our only option I still wouldn’t do it.”

“But,” if he doesn’t looks at her he can almost trick himself into thinking this is only a dream of some sort. “What about the Troubles?” His voice is a mess, harsh and raspy.

“What about the thousands, maybe _hundreds_ of thousands of Troubled people who don’t live in Haven Nathan? This ‘cure’ won’t work for them, it’s only for Haven. Do you think that’s fair? These people have had to live with their Troubles day in and out and here in Haven they only have it for a year or so every twenty seven, and _they’re_ the ones who get the ‘cure’? What have the people in Haven done to deserve it, why are they different from any of the other Troubled people?” There’s an unfamiliar fierceness in her voice, no, that’s not right; it _is_ familiar, but he doesn’t want to acknowledge it, because it’s _Lexie’s_ fierceness, something that doesn’t belong to Audrey, yet it _is_ her speaking.

And he doesn’t know how to respond to that, either her tone or her words. If he dies by her hand only the Troubles here in Haven end. But he _can’t_ let himself think of things like that, because they trick him into thinking their might be another way.

Duke, who’s been quiet and still next to them, moves, shifting closer to Nathan. “Do you think we should tell him?” His voice is quiet, and even though Nathan overhears it he know’s Duke’s talking to Audrey.

“Tell me what?” He finds himself sagging more into Audrey, all of him too tired and worn down by the past half hour.

Her finger’s resume their rubbing. “We’re going to leave Haven Nathan. And we want you to come with us.”

She says it so matter of factly that it doesn’t quite sink in right away, but when it does he recoils from her and Duke, sensation leaving him as he falls back, and he probably hits the floor hard if how wobbly his vision gets is anything to go by. “What?!”

He, he can’t believe what she just said. Leave Haven? Leave the only place he’s called home? His mind can’t really fathom the magnitude of what she’s suggesting.

“I want to be _happy_ Nathan,” Audrey still stands, resolute before him. “But Haven keeps taking it from me over and over. I might have chosen to go into the Barn but it wasn’t enough. And what,” he sees her take a deep breath and blink back tears. “What did I do to deserve this Nathan? What was so horrible that _this_ was my punishment?”

Her words make him ache, and he feels strangely grateful when Duke’s free hand reaches out and snag’s Audrey’s wrist, tugging her down at their level. He might have known that Duke loved Audrey, but it’s a different thing entirely to _see_ it.

As far as gestures go a hug might not be all that explicit, or even that romantic. But there’s something about the way they lean into each other, how easily they touch, that speaks of love and how deeply it runs between them.

It makes Nathan strangely jealous, not because it’s Duke giving comfort to Audrey and loving her when it should be him. But that he could join them too, he could have that comfort and love as well.

The idea is both staggering and terrifying. It would be so easy to go to them, to let them embrace him and begin to forget his problems. Yet to save the people of Haven he needs to die, and if he lets himself love them then it will be all the more difficult to do when the time comes.

Yet Audrey’s thrown a wrench in that, in her own special way, making it, not ‘when’, but ‘ _if_ ’. An idea that terrifies him even more somehow. It had been easy to go through the motions these past two months, just let himself be a dead man walking and embrace the depressing joy that came with the knowledge that Haven would be free when he was gone.

But Audrey wants to _leave_ , grab him and Duke by the hand and run. He doesn’t think she’ll bother with looking back.

What prospects does she have if she stays though? Before he destroyed the Barn everyone in Haven saw her as a sort of savior, and now more than a few people are bitter towards her, the Troubles were supposed to be _over_ , and more than a few of those people are clinging to the solution of his death.

If they have their way his future isn’t going to be much of one. And despite his numerous and vocal agreements with them, there’s always been a small sliver of him that doesn’t want to die. Before it had been easy enough to ignore, it might not have been best for _him_ , but it really was the best for the town. And Nathan, if nothing else, has always considered himself at his best when he’s serving Haven.

Now that sliver won’t shut up however, fueled by this scheme the two of them have.

“Christ Wuornos,” there’s fond affection in Audrey’s voice. “You think any harder and you’re gonna set your brain on fire,” it’s such a Lexie thing for her to say that it leaves him bewildered for a few moments. But maybe that was her intention, because she says, “get your ass over here.” And he goes unquestioningly.

Sensation fills him as he brushes against her and it’s just as bewildering to be held by two people. Two people who apparently love him. It’s something he expects from Audrey, but Duke? They’ve managed to turn their antagonism back into friendship again, but love is more than Nathan had ever really hoped for if he’s honest.

“Please Nate,” Duke’s mouth is pressed up against his ear again, although this time his words are cajoling. “Come with us, we don’t want you to suffer anymore. None of us deserve this.”

Audrey shifts closer, “I’m sick and tired of this town pushing us around, of our supposed _destinies_ ,” far too much anger and disdain drips from those words, making Nathan wonder how long they’ve been planning this. “Dictating what we do. I don’t need to vanish every twenty seven years, Duke doesn’t need to follow in his family footsteps, you don’t have to die.

“We can start over again, _together_.”

“Okay,” his own voice surprises him. But he can’t say he’s surprised that he’s agreed. This is Duke and Audrey after all. He loves them and probably always will.

And maybe they’re right, maybe they do deserve happiness.

-

Lexie, and Audrey, aren’t all that surprised when things start to go wrong; after all things were going so well for them.

And even if all of Haven probably knows by now that Audrey is back at least their plans are still a secret. No one questioning the extra fuel Duke’s bought, or how Nathan’s been funneling money out of his bank account.

But it does mean their time table’s moved up.

Lexie’s kind of sad about leaving all her things behind, but if she packs too much people are liable to realize what’s happened. And at least over the few days before Jordan and _Wade_ —something both of them should have seen coming—confronted her about Audrey she’s been able to smuggle, heh, in what she feels she can’t live without.

But with that confrontation only having been a few hours ago, and with night quickly approaching they need to act fast, before all the factions of Haven finish their squabbling and possibly agree on a plan.

Again it’s an easy thing for her to dress nondescriptly for Haven, and part of her wants to just run all the way to the _Rouge_. But if she draws attention to herself like that then this is just as likely to blow up in their faces, a outcome she will _not_ accept.

It helps that Audrey is a cautioning voice, one who knows the value of taking the time when you have to.

Her heart pounds against her chest as she walks—it’s better if she and Nathan leave their cars at their respective places, shake off suspicion for just that little bit longer, even if they’ll have hours on everyone else—even though it might have been her initial idea a tiny part of the two of them still can’t believe they’re all really doing this. Which doesn’t stop it from being thrilling.

 _‘Freedom,’_ it almost sounds like a sigh coming from Audrey, but a good one. Lexie can’t help but agree, freedom. Freedom to succeed, or fail, or do whatever might be in between; but it’ll be their _choice_ , and not something anyone’s insisted they do.

At this time of night the docks are still mostly empty, it’s too early for the night fishers to have come in and not late enough for the day ones to be getting their boats ready to shove off. The perfect time to head out. And if they’ve done it right no one will suspect a thing with Duke’s boat being gone; he’s a smuggler after all, prone to leaving whenever he likes and not coming back for days.

Except this time none of them will be coming back.

The creak of boards and the susurrus of the ocean while soothing don’t really calm her down. In fact even as she boards the _Rouge_ her heart still feels like it might beat out of her chest. Audrey understands why, not that that’s any consolation to _Lexie_. _‘Deep breaths,’_ Audrey soothes, doing a slightly better job than the ambient noise around them. _‘It’s almost done.’_

“Hey,” her heart pounds even harder when she hears Nathan behind her.

She whirls around and smacks him lightly on the chest, even if it’s pointless. “Don’t do that,” she hisses at him. “You scared the shit out of me.”

His lips crook in a smile, it’s nice at least that he’s come to terms with the fact that Lexie and Audrey are both real, even if he hadn’t quite believed it at first. And Lexie will admit to a certain sort of thrill to dragging him into a closet at the station for a little illicit making out. There might not have been sex yet, but she and Audrey are both eager for it.

“Sorry. Duke’s got coffee in the stateroom, he’s got one last engine check and then he says we can head out.” He gives a slight gesture for the hatch and nodding she leads the way.

Inside the _Rouge_ is quiet and still, and her lips quirk as Audrey notices that Duke cleaned recently, everything sparkling. She hip checks Nathan, jostling him slightly towards the seating area. “I’ll make coffees.” She’s not sure if she should be drinking coffee in her current state, but even Audrey decides ‘fuck it’, it’s not like either of them are planning on going to sleep anytime soon.

Nathan doesn’t argue thankfully, although even _Lexie’s_ notice that he’s been a lot quieter since the whole...break down a week or so ago. And if she’s noticed it well then everyone else probably has too—she wonders what excuse he’d given them. _‘Garland died about this time,’_ Audrey murmurs, _‘Christ, has it only been a year?'_

With a smile on her face Lexie does coffees while she half listens to Audrey speculate. Lexie probably wouldn’t be able to cut it as a barista—she’d be fired after shouting down the first customer who got snippy with her—but it wasn’t all that dissimilar from bartending.

As she goes to Nathan Audrey reminds her to check the temp on his coffee. _It’s the little things,_ Lexie’s mom had once said, _that tell you who loves whom_. Audrey somehow manages a blush even though she’s only in their head at the moment.

 _‘Shut up,’_ Lexie bites back a smile, although it doesn’t do any good when the person you’re conversing with is in your _head_.

But she still checks Nathan’s coffee, letting herself make a little face at the flavors she’d put in it—it may be what Nathan likes, but that doesn’t stop it from not being what Lexie likes. The temps just right however so she hands it to Nathan guilt free. She also takes the spot right next to him on the loveseat, giving in to Audrey’s wish to curl up next to him.

“Thanks,” Nathan says, voice still quiet as he wraps an arm around her. An act that surprises Lexie considering how antagonistic he’s been with her in the past. To be fair that’s mellowed out a lot recently, but only because Nathan knows that Audrey’s in here too.

 _‘You’ll win him over yet if that’s what you want,’_ Lexie’s not really sure, but that’s okay too.

Below them she can hear the rumbling of the engine, and an occasional faint rattling. “I hope it doesn’t take too long,” the more time they put between them and everyone realizing what’s happened the better; even if it won’t really matter once they get into open waters.

Nathan sips his coffee. “Duke said it shouldn’t, he’s only been down there about ten minutes, I was gonna wait another five before going down and checking on him.” Lexie hides her smile behind her mug, she’s grateful they’ve confessed to each other, because otherwise the concern in Nathan’s voice would be a ridiculously dead give away.

But he doesn’t have to it turns out, because about a minute later, Audrey counts because she’s that sort of woman, Duke comes in, setting a battered old tool box on the floor. “Okay,” he gets out a rag and starts wiping his hands clean of grease. “Engine should be good for a long while now.” There’s a streak of grease on his cheek that Lexie finds infinitely distracting, she wants to go over and lick it off even though she knows it’ll taste disgusting.

“I’m gonna head up to the wheelhouse and get us going, bring me coffee?” It’s clear he doesn’t care which one of them it is and that makes both Audrey and Lexie smile.

“Sure,” Nathan agrees. And if he’s going up then Lexie certainly will, neither she nor Audrey want to be all that far from either of them if she can help it at the moment. Duke flashes them both a grin and heads back out.

Lexie lets herself cuddle back up to Nathan, she can tell exactly when her skin touches his by the way his body stiffens, a brief moment of sensory overload. “Bringing him coffee can wait a few minutes right?” She’s not trying to proposition sex, but she finds herself a bit too anxious to really move at the moment.

“Yeah,” Nathan rasps. He turns his head slightly and she can feel his nose brush through her hair. “You changed your shampoo again.”

Well they didn’t call him a detective for nothing. “Audrey and I are still trying to find one we both like.” Sometimes it feels like most of their disposable income went towards shampoo, bodywash, and the like; trying to find a smell they both agreed on. They like this one well enough, so at least they’ll be able to stand using it for however long they might be at sea; but it’s definitely not their final choice.

He makes a humming sound. “Too soapy,” he finally says.

Lexie laughs. “Not sure that’s a bad thing for something that’s supposed to clean you like soap,” she’s backed off on needling him for the most part, but sometimes she can’t resist.

Nathan huffs and gives her a squeeze. “It’s a perfectly valid complaint,” he responds primly. “So you have no right to judge me.”

Rolling her eyes Lexie takes another sip of coffee. Underneath them she can feel the _Rouge_ begin to move and Audrey lets out a gusty sigh of relief. “It’s all but done,” they could still turn back, but they’d agreed that once the _Rouge_ pulled out from the docks there wouldn’t be any turning back, for any reason.

“It’s scary,” Nathan says it so quietly Audrey has to strain to hear him.

She doesn’t respond though, instead turning slightly to kiss him on the cheek. “Come on, let’s make Duke’s coffee and go laze about in the wheelhouse.” Maybe she should bring a deck of cards for her and Nathan to play while Duke steers, although she’s not sure how much steering he’ll really need to do—despite having been in Haven for basically a year now some boat things are still a mystery to her.

A sound of protest that makes Lexie snigger leaves Nathan as she pulls away. “Nathan,” Audrey teases lightly. “We can cuddle later,” a heady thrill races through her at the thought. Later, when all three of them curl up on Duke’s delightfully massive bed. Possibly naked, after they’ve had sex. They can do whatever they want now, and not have to worry about what Haven might do in response.

“I’m holding you to that,” Nathan’s voice makes her shiver and smile.

“Coffee,” she says firmly. “We can seduce each other later.”

 _‘Ridiculous, the lot of you,’_ Audrey rolls her eyes, like Lexie can throw stones.

-

Nathan can’t feel the tropical breeze, but he remembers it being nice from when Audrey first touched him after they’d gotten here. Even though he can’t feel a thing he still feels decadently lazy sprawled out on a chair on the veranda.

Even without touch he does _feel_ more relaxed, he’s never been anyplace like this before, but he can see why people visit. Waves crashing against the shore, trees swaying in the breeze, on the beach that butts right up against the house he can see Duke doing yoga, and in the house itself he can hear Lexie and her music, joyful boisterous songs that are probably bringing a smile to his face.

It’s wonderful, and something he hadn’t realized he’d needed until he woke up this morning and didn’t have his usual burst of anxiety. With a soft sigh he slouches further into the chair, kicking his feet up to rest against the bannister, wiggling his bare toes.

Lexie’s singing gets closer and a few seconds later she plops into his lap  mixing bowl and spoons in her hands. The coolish breeze battles with the warm sun against his skin, while the worn wood of the chair tickles his back. “I brought a snack,” there’s a broad grin on her face as she offers him a spoon.

He peers into bowl as he takes the spoon. “Chocolate chip cookie dough?”

“Yep,” she sticks her own spoon in and scoops some up. “You need to loosen up more.”

It earns her an arched eyebrow as he gets his own spoonful. “By eating cookie dough?” He hasn’t done much of anything today besides sit here, he’d think that’s pretty damn loose. The cookie dough’s good though.

She rolls her eyes in response. “Nathan, it’s the thought that counts,” she answers primly. She moves closer, the cotton of her tanktop pressing against his bare skin as her head comes to rest on his shoulder, her legs going over the arm of the chair. “But we’ll get you there yet.”

If she says so.

He has a few more scoops of dough. “Are you planning on baking any of this?” It seems like she’d want to save some.

“Oh please,” she snorts. “You never actually make cookie dough to _bake_ , obviously.”

He shakes his head. “But then you don’t get cookies,” he tries to make it as dry and pedantic as possibly, but the smile on his face probably ruins it.

It still makes Lexie laugh. “You’re sense of humor’s definitely something else,” her tone is fond. “But I like it.”

“As my girlfriend I think you’re obligated to like my humor.” He waves the spoon at her. In the week since they left things have smoothed between the two of them, she sometimes still pushes his buttons, but not as sharply or as cruelly as before.

She sticks her tongue out at him. “Says you.” She scoops up more dough and sticks her spoon in his mouth. “You think we can lure Duke back with the promise of dough?”

He snorts as he pulls out the spoon, clean of dough, “probably not.” Duke hadn’t really been the sort when they’d been childhood friends to try and lick the spoon or the beater. “But if you really wanted him to come back I’m sure we could think of something.” He’s sure his eyebrow waggle looks ridiculous, but that’s part of the point.

It gets him another laugh, “it’d be a tight fit right here, but I’m sure I could get you to make enough noise to catch his attention.” As if to demonstrate she leans in and nuzzles his neck, lips tracking up to right under his ear, her teeth lightly bite the skin there.

A shiver passes through him and he gives a shuddering moan. She pulls away with a smile, “I’m gonna go put the dough away and I’ll be right back. Maybe lose the shorts, but don’t have too much fun.” She bounds away, hips sashaying as she goes back into the house.

A different sort of groan leaves him. “You’re horrible, the both of you.” Because while it’s certainly a Lexie move, he wouldn’t doubt that it’s Audrey who gave her the reason.

With her gone he at least can’t feel his hard on, not that that stops his brain from starting to ramp itself up, eager for yet another round of sex. He’s still caught up on whether or not to take off the swim trunks he’d ‘borrowed’ from Duke when she gets back.

Her pout is cute. “On the one hand seeing you naked in the sun would have been nice,” he’s definitely blushing. “On the other undressing you is always fun.” She comes to a stop right next to him on the chair, the loose pants she’s wearing means her knee on his thigh does nothing, but she soon reaches out and gives the briefest of taps on his arm, a flicker of sensation that makes him twitch.

She taps her way up his arm and down his chest, each pulse winding him up a little more. Making him aware of his body even if he can’t feel it.

Both her hands come to rest on the fabric of the swim trunks, so close to touching him. ”Horrible,” he moans, loud enough that he’s certain the people on the next island over heard him.

“Definitely,” she agrees. He watches her fingers hook into the fabric and begin to pull. He arches up so she can pull them down. And if he didn’t want to _feel_ he’d actually be impressed that she managed to get them off without touching him once. “Mmm, now that’s what I like to see.”

His cock is red and clearly ready. His eyes can’t look away as her hand gets closer and closer, teasing him more and more until her fingers finally wrap around, his shaft, bringing his body into sharp awareness, she doesn’t even give him time to get used to it before her thumb rubs the skin under his head, making him come with a shout.

“Damn that’s hot,” Duke rumbles from nearby. Nathan can’t work up the energy to turn his head, but does whimper softly when Audrey’s hand leaves.

“Think it might be your turn next Duke,” the wealth of promise in her voice fills Nathan with a mixture of contentment and happiness. “Although we should get a blanket, splinters in the ass are never sexy.”

Duke laughs, which only intensifies what Nathan’s feeling. “A good idea,” Nathan hears movement and then the sounds of kissing.

He makes a pitiful groaning sound. “Not fair,” they’re having fun without him and the won’t even let him watch? Well Lexie _had_ agreed that she was horrible.

The kissing sounds stop and seconds later two pairs of hands loop themselves under his arms and haul him up. “Well we can’t have than now can we?” Duke says conversationally.

“Nope,” Audrey or Lexie responds. “All is totally supposed to be fair in love.”

Nathan lets them pull him down to the floor, Duke unfolds a blanket with a flourishing snap and his eyes are glued to the both of them as they undress.

As their warm bodies press up against him he finds himself thinking that maybe it won’t be such a bad thing to get used to this.

-

The fan above the stovetop drones continuously as Duke cooks dinner. A few feet away he hears the slap of playing cards as Nathan teaches Lexie and Audrey to play gin rummy. The cadences of their voices soothing as he works.

Coming here is the best idea he’s had, they probably won’t be able to stay for much longer, but it doesn’t matter. It’s given them the chance to unwind and start to figure out who they are, to each other, and without Haven driving them. Staying here on this private island might be the first favor he’s cashed, but he doubts it’ll be the last.

In fact the second should be arriving in a few days if all goes well, just in time for everything to have blown over; he doesn’t doubt that all of the Guard’s mobilized to try and find them, but while they might have had a presence in Colorado, he doubts they have any sort of reach beyond the US. And after nearly a month, well things have probably died down more than enough for them to slip through the cracks.

None of them have any idea where they’re going after this, but it doesn’t matter. They can go anywhere they want. Europe, Africa, Asia; the whole world. New lives for the three of them. The sky was the damn limit.

“Yes!” Audrey crows. And Duke doesn’t even need to turn around to know that Nathan’s giving her a fond smile.

Duke gives one final stir to his sauce before reaching over and pouring in the drained pasta. “Dinner’s ready,” he says. Stirring a few more times to mix it all together.

“Smells good,” Nathan says, the scrap of his chair against the tile almost drowning him out.

Seemingly in a flash Audrey, or maybe it’s Lexie right now if that light in her eyes is any indication. “Yum.” She takes bowls down for the three of them and Duke can hear Nathan getting the silverware.

He serves them all up and grabbing beers from the fridge they retreat to the table to eat. Conversation flows easily between them. Banter and jokes and suggestions of where to go, what places they’ve always wanted to see but haven’t been able to. The last time he’d gone over to the next island to do the grocery shopping he’d bought a world map as well, and some markers; and in the past few days it’s filled up with dots, more in Audrey and Nathan’s chosen colors than Duke’s, but that hardly matters.

He’ll be more than happy to show them the whole world if that’s what they want.

-

The market in Tangier they’ve found themselves in is a beautiful sort of chaotic. The smells of cooked food competes with spices, even from a few aisles away; every color imaginable currently surrounds them, in clothing, in rugs, and raw fabric, and blankets; the sun beats down on them, hot and unforgiving, sending them under the cool awnings of booths; voices come at them from every direction, in Arabic and French and English and a mixture of all three at once, Duke’s voice joins it as he haggles in Arabic with the shopkeeper.

Audrey and Lexie both love it. This is the farthest from North America either of them have been and it’s wonderful to just _be_ in a whole other place. No one here expects her to fix their problems or try to save the world. She’s just another tourist in a sea of them. Freedom never felt so good.

“Here,” she blinks as Nathan offers her one of the water bottles Duke insisted they bring. A fact she’s grateful for now that they’ve been under the sun for so long.

She takes it with a smile. “Thanks.” It’s slightly lukewarm, but the water’s still refreshing. “How’re you doing?” With a month of sea travel under their belts now, and not a whole lot to do out on open waters Audrey had found herself working on problems Haven hadn’t really ever let her focus on. Nathan and Duke’s Troubles.

In a way Duke’s is easy, it’s constantly on, but it doesn’t do anything until he touches Troubled blood; yet she’s curious to find if there’s a way to turn it off, not permanently but Duke should have the choice of whether to use his Trouble or not instead of having to watch every interaction for accidental blood.

Nathan however is a different story. With her touch he can feel any and everything under the sun of course, but unlike Duke’s she’s certainly it’s possible to actually ‘fix’ it, or at the very least make it manageable, enable him to be able to feel on his own.

Lexie, with her crosswise way of looking at things thinks that Haven might have had a Trouble all it’s own, one that made her focus on helping the townsfolk who were ‘strangers’ and not the ones who grew closest to her. A cruel joke that meant the ones who needed it most might just slip by unnoticed.

“Good,” she watches him flex and stretch his fingers, marveling at them and their unexpected gift. Those fingers are the reason Duke’s haggling after all, fingers brushing hopefully against blue-gray silk sheets the color of Audrey’s eyes, and the startled sharp gasp of feeling on his own; Duke had all but pounced on it, even with Nathan’s protesting that they probably didn’t need another set of sheets, even ones this nice.

She smiles, handing back the water bottle.

“Alright,” Duke returns to them, arms full of fabric, a triumphant grin on his face. “Open up that bag would you? Don’t want to be carrying these around all day.” Nathan shakes his head with a snort, but does so. “Lunch? Hakim here says his cousin makes the best tajines in the market.”

“Lunch sounds amazing,” it doesn’t even matter if she has no idea what a tajine is, it’s an experience wholly new to her and she’s going to do it.

“Sure,” Nathan agrees, slinging the bag they’d brought to carry purchases back over his shoulder.

Just like everything else now they brave the sun together, weaving their way through crowds of people, some of whom might be Troubled for all Audrey knows. But if there are she doubts they need her help, it’s a thing of a lifetime for them, not just a few months or years.

The idea’s more of a relief than she thought it might be, and it’s a hopeful one too. She might not want anything to do with Haven anymore, but she still finds herself wishing it goes well for them, that they manage to pull themselves from the messes they’ve caused and find solid footing. Learn to live with their Troubles like everyone else in the world.

It’s a wish, but one Audrey and Lexie aren’t wholly invested it. Why should they be with the world calling and two men who love her?

Maybe one day they’ll find a place that calls to them as much as Haven had, maybe they’ll settle down, have the sort of family none of them really got. Maybe they’ll wander the rest of their lives, finding new corners of the world to experience and enjoy.

Anywhich way it works out doesn’t matter, all that matters is that it’s by their choice.

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone _not_ familiar w/ Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds/creepy murder ballads in general, the song Lexie starts humming to is called "Eliza Rose". And I think I'm sorry if I got ABBA stuck in your head?
> 
> Also couldn't resist the Leverage reference.


End file.
